Mascara Is My medieval Chain Mail

remember when perms were cool?
To anyone who says that makeup is meaningless, or who dismisses makeup as something shallow or frivolous, all I have to say is, “Kiss my wannabe J.Lo booty,” because that sh*t is powerful.

Those tiny tubes of mascara and lipstick can change worlds.


I’ve worn makeup practically daily for decades, and sometimes I just go through the motions and take it for granted as part of my habitual routine, but there are those other days, like yesterday, when I really realize just how potent it is.

I was having a sh*tty day yesterday, as was Connor Claire, because poor thing is sick again. She got croup, again, so I’ve been tending to her needs, which has made it more difficult to balance my other responsibilities.

I don’t want to whine but…I’m going to! Lol! ? Basically, I haven’t been sleeping well because I’ve been staying up to comfort Connor, and it all kind of came to a head yesterday afternoon. I felt super grumpy and defeated, but I still wanted to go to my HIIT class at night, because I knew that if I continued to sit around the house, I’d feel progressively worse.


Kočky a make-up mikina?

$ 42.

Nakupuj teď

Normally, I don’t wear makeup to work out, and that’s mostly because I usually don’t have time to put any on. It’s not that I don’t want to, because I used to back in the day, but these days I look at the clock, and it’s like “OH, SNAP!” It’s all I can do to don stretchy pants and go.

But yesterday, even though I was running behind as usual, I said to myself, “Self, you need to do something.” I needed to put on my proverbial armor, lest I burst into tears in the middle of class mid-burpie.”

This cat gets it.
So I curled my lashes, put on the new MAC extended Play Perm Me Up Lash curling mascara (It’s smudge-proof!), a little urban Decay naked Lipstick and, the piece de resistance, I combed my hair! I actually applied some hair paste, strong-hold hairspray on my cray-cray wiry witch hairs, combed my hair, and put it in a high pony.

Someone needs to invent flattering gym lighting…
Then I went to the gym, and ya know what? even though I wanted to cry for the first 20 minutes, I swear to you, there was something about that little bit of makeup “armor” I was wearing — like the mascara was a suit of medieval chain mail — that slowly but surely made me feel a little tougher. I said, “Ya know, I can get through this. I don’t have to be the toughest I’ve ever been, but I can make it through this workout without bursting into tears,” and I did. At the end of the class, I actually felt like pushing a bit. I felt really, really good.

I like a mascara brush with a curve.

MAC’s new extended Play Perm Me Up Lash, and if you’re feeling some strong de ja vu then shout out to you, MAC-aholic, because this blacker than black mascara is very similar to the original MAC extended Play Mascara — it has the same glossy finish, the same power to fatten up your lashes without them looking totally lumpy and redonkulous, but this new version also has the added ability to anchor a crimp from a lash curler, and it’s humidity- and swear- sweat- resistant (to remove the it, you use warm water). yesterday I sweated like a MOFO at the gym for an hour with two layers of this mascara on my upper lashes, and when I got home and looked in the mirror, I saw nary a smudge on my lower lash lines (no flakes, either). It’s coming to MAC counters and on April 4 for $24 a tube.

Two coats!
The endorphins probably had more to do with it than the makeup, but I strongly believe that the makeup helped too. The few extra minutes I spent doing something special for myself made me feel stronger and tougher, and there are times, like yesterday, when I really appreciate makeup for that.

Ya know…I go through phases when I feel disillusioned with makeup sometimes, and I’m like, oh my gosh, it’s the same thing, over and over again! Like, how many ways CAN A company sell A nude PALETTE?! but there are still those moments, like yesterday, when I realize just how powerful makeup can be.


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